Snape's Worst Memory (Extended Edition)
by ourlivesentirely
Summary: Starts off cannon a'f after Snape calls Lily a mudblood. Same universe, just alternate ending maybe? We'll see.


**Disclaimor: Obviously I'm not J.K Rowling because if I was this would be a book, and not fanfiction. I don't own this, I just love the fandom, the books, the movies, everything the Magical World has to offer.** **All props go to J.K. Rowling, so this is just fanfiction okay guys.**

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 **Time set in place after Severus calls Lily a mudblood, a.k.a during "Snape's Worst Memories". The beginning is cannon because I got parts from the book to set off the story, that was all. The rest is mine, I hope you enjoy.**

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"I'm sorry."

"I'm not interested."

"I'm sorry!"

"Save your breath"

It was nighttime. Lily, who was wearing a dressing gown, stood with her arms folded in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady, at the entrance to Gryffindor Tower.

"I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here."

"I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just-"

"Slipped out?" There was no pity in Lily's voice. "It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends you see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?"

He opened his mouth, but closed it without speaking.

"I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine."

"No listen, I didn't mean-"

"to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"

He looked down at the floor, he couldn't bring himself to open his mouth. She couldn't know the truth, that killed him so much.

She turned around and looked at the fat lady in the face, about to say the words she knew would end their friendship forever.

"Lily wait!"

"Goodbye Severus", she reached her hand out to open the way back inside Gryffindor's dorm, but Snape's arm reached caught her first.

"Please- I beg you"

She paused for a quick second, heart aching knowing this could be the point of no return.

Seeing this as his opportunity he spoke quickly, "Just hear me out this last time, and I promise I will never bother you again, please Lily. Just listen please".

He never begged, he was always rude, cunning, and spoke his mind often way to much. Lily turned slightly, looking over her shoulder at him.

"You hurt me Severus, I thought we were best friends-", she began.

"We are, and you must know"

"I looked out for you! Because that is what friends do! I have always cared for you, but you don't see who really is there for you. You choose to be with those so-called friends of yours, but I loved you Severus! I love you actually, and although it pains me, I must end this here"

Snape looked like he got his breath kicked out of him. "Lily- I didn't know"

Her breaths were long and heavy as she stared at him.

"I wanted him to leave us alone – Potter" he began.

"Potter!" She scoffed. "Now you bring him in".

"He knew Lily! He knows how I feel about you, and he threatens me, nearly every day to leave you alone. I'm sorry Lily, it pains me, and in a feeble attempt to get him to stop- I called you that."

She didn't want him to stop talking, she was listening.

"Selfish of me really, I couldn't stand getting hexed every day."

"Every day?" she nearly shrieked.

Severus only nodded, looking embarrassed at his weakness.

"Why didn't you tell me this? I could have helped you!"

"I don't need your help" he felt himself say.

"Of course, why would a mudblood like me, be with a person like you" her heart was breaking further, shattering into a billion tiny pieces.

She opened the fat lady's picture frame and stepped through the doorway, as the door was closing, Severus shouted "Lily, I – I'm sorry!"

He saw her freeze in place just as the fat lady slammed the portal shut. Lily didn't come out anymore that night.

* * *

Days passed on as if nothing ever happened. Lily ignored him completely, always looking forward in the hallways between classes. At lunch she didn't even glance towards Potter's direction.

She sat with a few girls from her potions class, and two entire weeks had passed without a word from Lily Evans.

"Well, you got what you wanted" Sirius told James one evening, "She's finally free of Snivellus but she's totally ignoring you man!"

James looked towards Lily's direction, to find her smiling and studying with a few friends.

"She'll come to me" James boasted and ran his hand threw his hair, "eventually".

Sirius laughed and patted his shoulder, "Good one, you keep telling yourself that one"

Moony and Wormtail joined in, "Talking about Lily again?" Moony asked.

James just shrugged his head but his slumped shoulders suggested otherwise.

"Maybe you should go talk to her"

"The girls come to me" James laughed, hiding nothing in his almost hysterical voice.

"Well she's clearly not doing any of that"

James flicked his wand out of his pocket, "Get her attention then, shall we?"

Sirius laughed at this.

As lunch came near an end and Mary and Lily stood up to walk out of the hall room, James took the opportunity to pull out the crumbled up piece of paper he had in his pocket. He sat perfectly facing the back of Snape's head, "WingArdium LeviOsa" James muttered as the ball rose a few inches off the table.

"Pavimento Objecto!" he spoke as he hurled it across hitting Snivellus at the back of his head.

Snape's nose crushed into his food causing it to splatter all over what cleanliness was left of his robes.

Lily stood with her mouth open in shock, Mary stood in place expecting her to say _something_ , to say _anything_. But nothing could bring Lily to say anything to defend the boy who had called her a mudblood.

Snape stood up to see who had thrown that at him, he caught Lily staring in horror at Potter. Potter only smirked and smiled at Lily.

At that moment, Lily turned her head and locked eyes with Severus, a small tear betraying her falling down her cheek.

Numbly, she forced herself to carry on and walk away. Potter wasn't expecting this, he got up from the bench and ran after her.

"Aren't you going to defend him? That Snivellus boy you care about so much?" He was practically up against her face blocking her path.

"I don't care about him, now leave me alone!" Lily shouted and tried to get past James Potter.

Those words cut a thousand pieces into Severus' heart, stinging a thousand times worse than he's ever experienced.

"Then go on, go on one date with me, if you don't care"

Lily took out her wand and pointed it at James "I said leave. me. ALONE!" and then her piercing scream filled the hall room as she curled over in pain.

"Expeli-crucio!" Wormtail stood with a shaking wand and reddened cheeks. Alarmed and frightened he shrank back to his seat.

Mary bent down at her side, "Lily! Oh no!"

Suddenly two thin arms grabbed her from udneneath as she writhed in pain, fought back screams as her vision caught glimpses of what seemed to be long hallways and then suddenly everything went white.

* * *

She felt long skinny cold hands wrapped around her right hand, "Will she be okay?" the voice she always loved asked.

Madam Pomfrey warm hands touched her forehead, "She's just sleeping dear, when she wakes up make sure she eats this chocolate"

"Of course"

"She'll wake soon, go on now. Back to class"

"But I was told to take care of her", Severus smoothly lied.

Madam Pomfrey put both hands at her hips, seeing through the lie but agreeing anyway, "Well you go ahead, I have other students to take care of. Thank you Severus."

Lily had heard this entire conversation. But chose to keep her eyes shut until he left, she was still mad at him. What was he doing here anyway?

Severus held her hand up to his face, "Lily"

Nothing.

"Please forgive me, I want us to be friends again. I miss you, Lily. I can't live without you, I couldn't bear watching them hurt you again."

Lily slowly opened her eyes, "You can't 'live' without me, but you can happily agree with destroying those of my birth otherwise"

"No, I don't wish that"

"But you do Severus" she stared at him fiercely.

"Lily, I only joined the dark arts club, to be stronger, I had hoped."

"Stronger!", she scoffed "Potter and his gang seem strong enough and _they_ aren't worshipping the dark lord."

"Is this what this is about, you, really think I have betrayed you and fancy the dark arts?"

Her eyebrows rose as high as they could awaiting his response. He just stared at her in awe.

"Lily I -" he looked down, at their hands intertwined together, he realized she had not shaken her hand out, "- you must know. I- I love you Lily"

She gave a short gasp.

"I always have, and I want to be there for you. To protect you."

"Severus, you don't have to protect me. I am perfectly capable of defending myself"

He smiled, "I know that, I truly do. It's just, there are all sorts of evils out there, and I must understand them to properly defend us from them"

"There are all sorts of ways to do that Severus, you don't have to become a death-eater to study dark magic!"

"I don't want to be a death eater-"

"Then why support the cause?"

"I wasn't supporting..."

"Stop lying to me Severus"

"I'm not lying to you Lily, I just wish I was strong enough to defend myself against Potter and his friends, and I know there's a war coming up and I need to know how to fight"

"I don't like it when they treat you like that, I wish I could protect you too. I want to be by your side, but every time we get close, you push me away."

He looked down, carefully choosing his words.

"I thought you fancied him- Potter I mean"

"Potter!" she scoffed.

"The way he looks at you, you're like a prize waiting to be won Lily, in his eyes"

"I don't care what he thinks of me, I only want you Severus, it's always been me and you."

"Always," he agreed.

Lily smiled, "Always".

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 **Author's Note: Hey guys! Let me know what you think, feedback as in reviews and favorites would be great. If I get plenty of feedback then I will continue to write more, if not, well, then I give up.**

 **But I like to write for fun. Snape and a few other Slytherin wizards will always be my favorite wizards ;).**

 **Anyways. I guess I'll see whether to continue writing or not! Let me know in the review section and make sure to favorite this story as well.**

 **Thank you very much for reading this, and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.**

 **xx ourlivesentirely**


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